So I started an AutoCad class two weeks ago. I want to be in a higher income bracket. I used to love cooking but my passion for that died out. Too much bs in the restaurant business. Which is sort of ironic as recently restaurants are closing in this province because of lack of staff . I could only say “Hey pay your employees better and stop treating them like property.”

This course is very difficult and challenging. I need that. I had to give up my living alone status and now I have freakin room mates, One of whom is an alcoholic and a growing pain in the ass. He says he’s leaving to go live with his girlfriend in a week or so. I miss living alone already. If I win the lotto I’ll get my own place hahaha. I don’t buy tickets so that would be a real miracle.

I have to discipline myself to keep at it. My day doesn’t end at the end of class. It continues because I have to learn a lot of this program on my own time.

Aside from the bitching I’m coming into a time of life where I can soar. This was the whole idea. I fear i may have to leave someone behind but at this point the changes may be too much for her. It’s not sad it’s just the way of life.

Much love to all who may venture across this post.

God bless.



Is it Dead

Do I just imagine it

Or is the Spirit really dead.

I can’t get up

I can’t move

I live in tortured anxiety

There is no freedom

I close my eyes

I try to hide in sleep

The day ends

The darkness comes

I fear the darkness

Yet I hide in it.

Will it end?

Or is the Spirit really dead.



A Friendship (Untitled)

Written with a pen, sealed with a kiss.
If you are my friend, please answer this.
Are we friends, or are we not?
You told me once, but I forgot
So tell me now, and tell me true
So I can say, I’m here for you
Of all the friends, I’ve ever met
You’re the one, I won’t forget
And if I die, before you do
I’ll got to heaven, and wait for you
I’ll give the angels back their wings
And risk the loss of everything
Just to prove my friendship is true
I’ll go to Hell and back for you!

This is one of the most Plagiarized poems on the internet

Author Fiona Marie Hawthorn of Potton Township Quebec.


Take a Turn

I’ve walked it

I’ve run it

I’ve seen it

It’s Dirty

Smell it taste it in the air

It’s all around it there

In our hearts

And festering souls

It’s Dirty

And I’ve run from it and prayed at it

I’ve cursed it and belittled it

But it follows always

Never tiring never ceasing

To claw and infect

So Dirty

It’s a world

It’s a goal and a dream

To roll in it like pigs in shit

So follow

Or swallow

Suck or die

The slime they gave us

It drags us in.

that righteous load of



I am sitting in a WiFi shop writing for no one to read and wondering why I am still in this province. It blows here. I am told by my grown children that I have paid my dues and now have the right to go and live where ever I want. But I’m too old to just pick up and leave. So I’m making the plan. In two years I’m going on a permanent road trip. Maybe, if I don’t find something more fun before then. I love you all.


No Coffee

I haven’t posted here in a while. I am coming out of this crap ass depression and the world doesn’t look so bad. I was too into my own black bubble to look around me. Therapy helped pills did not. I had to change a few things like eating habits and making my surroundings a little brighter. I had to give up coffee too. Damn it I know, but the coffee only amplifies the anxiety.

As time goes on I hope to be back on top of my game. Cutting down on the wine and no smoking weed helped a lot too.

I even made it through Christmas in a good mood. Mind you I spent a lot of time on the spiritual side of Christmas and not the buying bullshit…

God Bless you all who read this.


Sometimes one has to look at what the real problem is. I am not the most ambitious person alive. I am happy with a somewhat quiet and private life. Or at least I was until recently. Now I have an urge to change things and have fun with what’s left of my life. Finances have always been a problem for me.

I never seem to make enough to get to the proverbial next level. To walk away from the rent and hydro and other necessities we deem as our need to survive. Ironic I think. That one needs to get finances in order before one can pretty much walk away from that world. Go figure.

What does this mean? have we all become nothing but consumers. We consume food, gas, hydro, water, products, and a host of other crap most of which we don’t really need. I know this subject has been blogged about, considered and pretty much discarded in the past. I am certainly not the first person to be concerned about the effects of consumerism on the individual. We want, want ,want and want.

Actually I always just wanted my cabin in the woods. But I want one in several different countries. Again Ironic.

So where is all this leading/ well for starters it leads me to want to change my circumstances. i am not happy with my work or most of the people around me. I am claustrophobic on my own home. Or maybe just in my own skin. All I know is that it is time to change my outlook on my life and my attitude along with it.

In the past year or so I have been insane and at times almost suicidal. And this madness is coming to a close. I finally feel my head back on straight and find that my real problems are mostly financial. Things have to go.

I must quit smoking. It has killed people close to me and is killing me.

I must stop being a slave to the dollar. It is a commodity not an entity.

I must remember to see something beautiful everyday.

Today I saw a bunch of teenagers throwing a football around in the street. Not a video game in sight. they wer laughing and running and playing. that was something beautiful.

Have a great day to anyone who happens to come across this.

It all can be overcome.