Do I believe in the power of love anymore? My experience in the past year or so has kind of killed that. Romantic love, well not really. After all I was betrayed in the worst possible way, at the worst possible time, by the one person I trusted would never do that to me. Romantic love? No. I no longer believe in the power of love. Funny how I used to cling to it. Now I look at it and sadly, and sarcastically, and believe that it is more a source of pain and anguish than anything else. As the line in the Leonard Cohen song goes, “All I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who out drew you.” The power of love is the power that maims and destroys.
But I did learn that there is a higher love. As I had mentioned in previous entries, friends who I had not seen in well over 20 years got wind of my situation and contacted me. They brought me back from the brink of suicide. They lifted up my spirits and showed me my self worth. Those whom I had once shared that special bond of friendship with came through in what had to be my most desperate hour. That is love worth counting on. I believe in the ancient Greek it falls between agape love and philia love. That special bond of friendship.
I doubt at this time in my life I will ever feel, nor ever want to feel that passionate eros love again. It has been far too wounding over the years. No I will remember philia and agape as the love that saves. God’s love and the love between loyal friends. Friends are loyal, lovers are definitely transient.
Good Night and Thank You