Could have Been a Suicide Note

I don’t think that I’ve ever hurt this much in my life. I have lost loved ones, been jilted dumped, fired,beaten up and rejected. but nothing has hurt this much before.No nothing. i was at peace a short time ago with suicide. yes really. Me suicidal. I have no peace or joy left in my life. And all for the one whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. and why? Why does god not intervene and release me. i know you are thinking release yourself. Set yourself free. right. Words are easy. But there is no comfort left. I do hope she comes across these post at some point but i highly doubt it. my passion for living has gone.

The depression is unbearable. I have been through alot over the uears but now I am finally facing a wall. There is little or no hope. Not just her but every aspect of my life for the past 23 years has been a psychotic mess. Ever since my oldest daughter’s mother went berserk. it got good for a time with my younger daughter’s mother but then, well she hit the road too. I must have “kick me” written on my back somewhere. God could at least kick me off with a stroke or heart attack.

No nothing has seemed to work. And ever since becoming christian i know no peace. I love God but I cannot bear this life anymore. All you cyberspace people who may read this at some point, I have no advice for you. When one has lost one’s will to live there is nothing anyone can say. 

I cry out in the night for someone to hold me but there is no answer. Just empty silence. And as the saying goes, the silence is deafening.

it drives me over the edge. I cry out and hear no answer.

I am going to sleep now for a few hours. 

This could have been a suicide note but I don’t have the guts and I want to see one more sunrise.

Adios

Good Night and Thank You

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