Christmas

I have nothing and can’t afford to buy presents for anyone this year. Too bad. I will have the best Christmas ever. I want to. I will be of good cheer and wish everyone the best. praise god. Nothing, not even my cheating ex wife will ruin the good time that God gave me.
A MERRY CHRISTMAS to you all.
And a major hug to everyone
Good night and thank you

Resolve

Resolve

I resolve to greet the morning and thank God for it.

I resolve to live my life to my own standards an not let anyone set them for me.

I resolve to live, love and persevere.

I resolve to worship and love God.

I resolve not to judge others until I have walked in their shoes.

I resolve not to accept the judgement of others. Especially those who don’t know me.

I resolve to respect boundaries and clearly set my own. 

I resolve that this is my life, a gift from God, I will live and love this great adventure and when I face Him at the end, I can say, here is my life that you gave me, I return it you with 100% interest paid. And thank you for creating ME

No One Saved My Life the Other Night.

There was no one there. But i realized that i need to be a new person. How long must I go letting the decisions of others decide my future or even my present. That’s it isn’t it. In all suicide situations that didn’t include mental disorder like schizophrenia or bi polar or clinical depression…it’s always been some else deciding what you do. Look at the recent bullying suicides. they let people decide for them. They cowarded into their little worlds and ended it all. Not for me. My wife may go and screw whomever she wants but I will not be influenced by her using me any more. I can’t live that way.

I asked Jesus to help me in some way. All He ever asks in return is that I glorify His name. He said I will give you one thing you ask for. I thought about it for a bit and then said “I want a new life.” That’s it, a complete change. And I began experienceing a new attitude almost immediately. I even got two hugs back to back. WW.

Suicide be damned. Not for me. I have too much on the go right now anyways.

Time to check up on the hockey strike.

Good night and thank you.

Could have Been a Suicide Note

I don’t think that I’ve ever hurt this much in my life. I have lost loved ones, been jilted dumped, fired,beaten up and rejected. but nothing has hurt this much before.No nothing. i was at peace a short time ago with suicide. yes really. Me suicidal. I have no peace or joy left in my life. And all for the one whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. and why? Why does god not intervene and release me. i know you are thinking release yourself. Set yourself free. right. Words are easy. But there is no comfort left. I do hope she comes across these post at some point but i highly doubt it. my passion for living has gone.

The depression is unbearable. I have been through alot over the uears but now I am finally facing a wall. There is little or no hope. Not just her but every aspect of my life for the past 23 years has been a psychotic mess. Ever since my oldest daughter’s mother went berserk. it got good for a time with my younger daughter’s mother but then, well she hit the road too. I must have “kick me” written on my back somewhere. God could at least kick me off with a stroke or heart attack.

No nothing has seemed to work. And ever since becoming christian i know no peace. I love God but I cannot bear this life anymore. All you cyberspace people who may read this at some point, I have no advice for you. When one has lost one’s will to live there is nothing anyone can say. 

I cry out in the night for someone to hold me but there is no answer. Just empty silence. And as the saying goes, the silence is deafening.

it drives me over the edge. I cry out and hear no answer.

I am going to sleep now for a few hours. 

This could have been a suicide note but I don’t have the guts and I want to see one more sunrise.

Adios

Good Night and Thank You