Is it a leap of faith or a leap of suicide? Why? Because I am standing at the edge. Complacency doesn’t suit me. I have lost everything but so did Job. It is too easy to get discouraged at a time like this. But I must make a move. I must do SOMETHING because the anxiety of being still is too …I don’t even know the right word. I have lost everything so I need to take that leap. Which way will it lead. I know this sounds a little fragmented and somewhat nonsensical but I didn’t take the time to gather my thoughts.
We are selling and getting rid of everything and having to move to separate addresses in order to survive. We are completely without means and now begins the next adventure. Just shoot me.
When one is feeling hopeless one should not blog. But seriously what do we believe? I have half a million stories I could write from this chair but I am in no shape to do so. Religon seems to have failed and I have little faith left. The one pastor I trusted turned out to be a money grubbing control freak. He has what he wanted but few are following him. Art is a real open door even though I am not an artist.
I have lost something. My zeal I think. Some believe I am suffering from a depression of sorts but I think I am losing hope.
I am crying out in the wilderness and hearing no answer. And I am out of bread.
God if you are hearing me please help I am really…..
I think you know the rest. It feels like it’s time for a vacation. The long kind in a rubber room. Maybe with some decent meds. I’ve never been on meds before so perhaps I will enjoy the experience. Or not. I’ve known enough people on meds who keep flushing them just to taste reality. It’s alot like Huxley’s Brave New World, where everyone is dosed on soma (goofballs) and that’s all the escape they need. It sure sounds better than Orwell’s vision.
Okay that’s all for now.
I believe blogs like these have given us license to express our deepest insanity and to finally let the truth be spoken. Why do you think that governments are so anxious to get there hands on peoples private internet stuff? Because of pedophiles? Not likely. All the dirt on any one person is on the net. Every post or porn view, every angry thought expressed and every time you’ve read a story or article that exposes government banks, oil companies, pharmecutical companies or any other big business for what they are really up to. It’s all on the net. Porn? The government loves porn. It keeps the population distracted. Don’t believe me? Just read Orwell’s 1984, while you still can. It was banned from Quebec’s high school reading list. How many other states and provinces have followed suit.
It’s all about how they control you and me. Want to know? Just read between the lines of any business news section. Like for instance. look at the holdings of the Ontario Teachers Pension Fund and realize the resources controlled by education and educators. I am not a radical insane person…just really noticing what’s going on. Look for yourselves.
I feel an artistic phase coming on. Instead of fishing today I started a sketch. It’s a landscape. I am no artist but I like drawing and painting. It’s just for me.
I needed a break from Big Brother so I am an artist now.