Wtf

It’s been a while and I haven’t much to say. Posting can be a chore. I haven’t had a real emotional breakdown in nearly a month. I chalk that up to redefining what God is and how he is presented.

The bible has become a rule book to get into heaven and Christianity has become a bunch of self righteous judges who should be shunned themselves.

Recently I saw a single mom of two special needs kids kicked out of her baptist church for not wanting to get married to her boyfriend. The pastor said he had to protect the sanctity of “his ” church. I note he didn’t say Jesus’ church.Jesus has little to do with churches today.

We need to get back to what Jesus actually said instead of a bunch of self righteous know  it alls interpreting scripture with no education to back it.

Love God with all your heart. Love your as yourself. Do unto others and all that. He never said to excommunicate or remove anyone from the church (Which is the body of Christ.)

Anyone Else Tired of Depression

I haven’t posted on here in a long time. It seems that when the depression gets to it’s worst I need to let it out.

For the record I refuse depression meds primarily because they get me wasted and I spend all day on the couch. I already have a problem getting off the couch and I don’t even have cable.

I am having a lot of trouble finding work but that’s nothing new to anyone. Jobs are hard to come by and according to some latest survey, robotics will replace 5 million jobs in the next few years. But I digress.

The fact is I have to vent some times. It helps get through when the darkness comes around. I am tired of it. I have had this stupid condition for I don’t know how long and still don’t get it.

Well here’s to another day

God Bless

Lifewalk.

It stands to reason

title was just the words in my head as I wrote it. The holidays have passed and now I’m moving towards getting back on my feet. The depression is going slowly. I could use a few beers but it’s Sunday. Which means I don’t get paid til midnight.

This has been an enlightening period of time in my life. I have gone from total stress to somewhat more relaxed and accepting of my circumstances. I may never be a rich guy but I do have plans and things I want to see. Places I’d like to go. Why give it all up for a situation that doesn’t make me happy.

Now that I’ve been sketchy I can open up. I can’t complain at the moment. It would be of no use. Sometimes like today, rainy winter days, i get bored. This often causes me to think. Thinking can be bad. So I read, write, and watch bad movies like Snakes on a Plane. This is just a bored rant.

Good night all.

No Coffee

I haven’t posted here in a while. I am coming out of this crap ass depression and the world doesn’t look so bad. I was too into my own black bubble to look around me. Therapy helped pills did not. I had to change a few things like eating habits and making my surroundings a little brighter. I had to give up coffee too. Damn it I know, but the coffee only amplifies the anxiety.

As time goes on I hope to be back on top of my game. Cutting down on the wine and no smoking weed helped a lot too.

I even made it through Christmas in a good mood. Mind you I spent a lot of time on the spiritual side of Christmas and not the buying bullshit…

God Bless you all who read this.

Time for the Doctor

I got to the point where I could no longer face myself or my world anymore. I’m seeing the doctor tomorrow. This anxiety has gone on for too long. I don’t want pills I want the issue resolved. I have averted suicide because no one can push me to it. I need to come back down to earth and relax.

I can’t face walking into another kitchen. If I ever cook again it will only be if I own the cafe I work in. And no more old folks homes. They do nothing but bitch about their meals. and around here they get fed like royalty. No I am done with this lifestyle. I may appear to have gone insane but I must live up to my own and God’s standards. 

A picture may say a thousand words but an action speaks volumes.

Later.

Sometimes.

Sometimes one has to look at what the real problem is. I am not the most ambitious person alive. I am happy with a somewhat quiet and private life. Or at least I was until recently. Now I have an urge to change things and have fun with what’s left of my life. Finances have always been a problem for me.

I never seem to make enough to get to the proverbial next level. To walk away from the rent and hydro and other necessities we deem as our need to survive. Ironic I think. That one needs to get finances in order before one can pretty much walk away from that world. Go figure.

What does this mean? have we all become nothing but consumers. We consume food, gas, hydro, water, products, and a host of other crap most of which we don’t really need. I know this subject has been blogged about, considered and pretty much discarded in the past. I am certainly not the first person to be concerned about the effects of consumerism on the individual. We want, want ,want and want.

Actually I always just wanted my cabin in the woods. But I want one in several different countries. Again Ironic.

So where is all this leading/ well for starters it leads me to want to change my circumstances. i am not happy with my work or most of the people around me. I am claustrophobic on my own home. Or maybe just in my own skin. All I know is that it is time to change my outlook on my life and my attitude along with it.

In the past year or so I have been insane and at times almost suicidal. And this madness is coming to a close. I finally feel my head back on straight and find that my real problems are mostly financial. Things have to go.

I must quit smoking. It has killed people close to me and is killing me.

I must stop being a slave to the dollar. It is a commodity not an entity.

I must remember to see something beautiful everyday.

Today I saw a bunch of teenagers throwing a football around in the street. Not a video game in sight. they wer laughing and running and playing. that was something beautiful.

Have a great day to anyone who happens to come across this.

It all can be overcome.